the mustard seed

so i went to this bible study a couple of nights ago. nothing else was going on, so i figured it a good use of my time. but i think i underestimated God's moving and purpose. it was so random for me to go to that, but God specifically placed me there that night to put a voice, words, form to the passions He has recently given me.

i sat last night hardly unable to talk. i had just finished reading a book that has, i believe, fueled an entire transformation in my life from the beginning of this summer to present. God, in the most random series of events has pieced together a huge chunk of His heart for this year inside of me.

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what i wanted - what i want - is you. to know beyond doubt that i am seizing the moment, sucking the marrow from each day, right at the center of your plan...so i've got nowhere left to go, but to get down on my knees and wait for you to speak.

"there is no other place where the heart should be so free as before the mercy seat. there, you can talk out your very soul, for that is the best prayer that you can present. do not ask for what some tell you that you should ask for, but for that which you feel the need of, that which the Holy Spirit has made you to hunger and to thirst for, you ask for that."
- c.h. spurgeon -

...intercession is impossible unto we allow the things that break God's heart to break our hearts as well...

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i had a passion - the above. i wanted nothing more than that, but i just didn't know what God's heart was exactly or how to get there. i just knew i wanted it, so i began to pray. first, God took me to new york. He showed me that in each place of ministry, in every country, in every state, every city, every borough, He had a plan and a heart. He fueled larry with His heart for the fulani and arabic immigrants of brooklyn and queens. wherever God places You, He is powerful enough and faithful enough to piece together His heart for that area inside of You. while i was in new york, He did that. not because that's where He wanted me to start ministering, but because He wanted to make a point: where fervent prayer and serving is, going, doing in His name, He will bless it...with a glimpse of His heart. at the beginning of the trip, i just wanted to know God's heart for what i was doing back home. at the end, God showed me that His heart comes through prayer, serving, and action - waiting on His word but not waiting. as my pastor said a couple weeks ago to our group of counselors at high school camp, waiting in the sense of a waiter or waitress. serving in God's silence with great anticipation for His word.

with this in mind, slowly but surely God began to reveal His heart for this year to me in the context of my own life and ministry.

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do you want to look for my fullness?
do you want to make history with me?
do you want to count for my Kingdom?
do you want tosee miracles and stand for justice?
do you want to see reconciliation and people set free?
do you want to see nations transformed by the power of prayer?

then come follow me,
and i will show you where to go.
it's not to the platform and the spot-lit speaker.
it's not to the conference, the meeting or the camp.

come with me to the darkest places
come to the hurting, the howling, hollow faces,
come with me to the addicted, convicted and caught
come with your light, run with your salt,
come to the sorrow; the suicide tree
come to the stable
come follow me.

"we are the light of the world, but no one wants to stare at the bulb. we are the salt of the earth, but a whole plate of the stuff will make you sick. the people of God are called to scatter and mix, to mingle and move, to influence from a position of weakness, like a small child in a large family, like yeast in a loaf, like a mustard seed beneath a pavement."

"and he said, whereunto shall we liken the kingdom of God? or with what comparison shall we compare it? it is like a grain of mustard seed, which, when it is sown in the earth, is less than all the seeds that be in the earth: but when it is sown, it groweth up, and becometh greater than all herbs, and shooteth out great branches; so that the fowls of the air may lodge under the shadow of it."
- mark 4:30-32 -

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and there it is. as i read that yesterday, i felt like i had just passed the incline of the highest hill on a roller coaster and was now going down, fast. not only did i feel like these two excerpts were direct hits at the ministry God had led me to with my sorority sisters, but there at the end, only a day after we had the bible study, God had set it right in front of my face making a point out of all my indescribable feelings.

each one of us is a mustard seed in God's plan. at each place we are serving, He has an intricatly vast and mind-blowing plan to fulfill. as the seed, we are an intrical part, but the smallest, humblest part - necessary yet feeble. God infuses us with the dna of His plan and desires, most of which we are blinded to that we may constantly assume our position of humility and desperation for Him. then, through us, He carries out His divine plan. a plan that we help with but have no control over. He gives us pieces of His heart and sets them into action through us, but as the picture grows bigger, we realize that what He has done is so much more immaculate than we could have ever imagined, and we would be seriously mistaken to think the whole result could have been anything that sprouted from our own doing.

as God sends me into this year, here is a revised explaination of His heart in me, my mindset. i know that God has an amazingly vast and mind-blowing plan, and for some reason He has picked this year and ordained dave and i to start one of the many branches. i can hardly fathom this concept. it just brings me to awe at God's glorious majesty and power.

and then, as if that wasn't enough, God of course had to answer my question to complete the picture. what are the birds? the birds that find refuge in the shade of these branches, this Kingdom that God builds here on earth. as i saw the purpose and heart of 24-7 unfolding in this book, God threw this at me:

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God began to make it clear that He was calling us to establish...redemptive communities at the heart of people-groups.
live and pray among the lost in such a way as to journey with them into the likeness of Christ together.

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now cmsu, and more specifically in my case, the greeks, are not people-groups persay. however, these ministries we are beginning, the community that we have and the sub-communities that we are forming are, among many other purposes and responsibilities, redemptive communities, places of refuge - peaceful yet mighty. they are alluring in their protection and difference from the world the Enemy and our flesh has created. the birds in my case are the greeks who are seeking. maybe not every one of them, but the ones who are seeking something more appealing than this life. God's desire, i'm thinking, is to use this ministry as a light and a refuge to them. a place some will desire to go and will, through coming to us in that manner, understand and be shown who Christ is. i know that the concept in and of itself is pretty...duh!...but this particular illustration paints it a little bit differently in my heart, i guess.

so i wrote all of the above this morning before our first day of the bsu retreat and it's funny how the entire thing was conveyed and talked about throught our whole time together. during our prayer walk this morning i couldn't help but marvel at how God had in so many different ways and fashions given us all, as a bsu community, the same hearts and mindset about ministry this year. He truely is an amazing God. i am so very excited for all that He has in store.