reverencing the power

God has done so much in me, i don't even know how to explain it all to people anymore. my friend adam is trying to convince me to write a book. i told him the project would surely result in a series of novels just to describe this summer. ha!

over this past year, God has successfully answered my prayers for His wisdom and understanding, showing me as much of the bigger picture as possible and slowly piecing together His will for my life...right in front of my eyes. the questions i'm currently posing:

why has Jesus brought me through the course of this summer's events?
why has He taken away everything comfortable?
why has he instilled in me a fear for Him so great that passionate prayer has become my only logical response to it?

i love that God always has a plan and purpose, and i love that He is ever willing to lead me to it. looking back on my summer, God has fully prepared my heart for His plan. Jesus is continuously giving me all the tools and means necessary to fulfil His will. that's a given. the question is, will i rise to the occasion?

i am the Lord thy God, which brought thee out of the land of egypt: open thy mouth wide, and i will fill it.
- psalm 81:10 -

i have spent the past few weeks in a serious search for God's heart in the context of this year at cmsu. two weeks ago i was with our high school group at youthfront south, and it never fails. every year, camp forces me into a serious and continuous desperation for God's presence and direction - a place i struggle to get in my daily life but seem to find most easily at camp. but this time, God moved like never before.

these hands are Yours; teach them to serve as You please,
and i'll reach out, desperate to see Your greatness, o God.
show me Your heart. show me Your way. show me Your glory...
i walk in the light in victorious sight of You.

i have full confidence He will overcome, He will move, He will bless, He will guide us this year at cms. my whole heart is in this ministry dave and i are starting. it seriously is. i am confident that if i am faithful in doing my part, God will bless beyond comprehension. but first, He had to take me to oriented times zero...

Lord, all my desire is before thee; and my groaning is not hid from thee. my heart panteth, my strength faileth me: in thee, o Lord, do i hope: thou wilt hear, o Lord my God. for the Enemy is lively, and he is strong:
- psalm 38:9-10,15,19 -

zero is brokenness, humbleness, surrender.
zero is full sacrifice, coming to God empty of self .
where is zero?
luke 7:37-48 - falling down at the feet of Jesus, washing his feet with your tears, becoming humbly undignified, willing to humiliate yourself in exchange for his touch, his glory, his presence.
where is zero?
mark 10:46-52 - zero cries out in desperation for a chance to see the unseen.

am i willing to be broken and spilled out for my Savior...as he was broken and spilled out for me? is it too much?

the Lord will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, o Lord, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands.
- psalm 138:8 -

i can't begin to explain what God has shown me this summer, namely what he showed me two weeks ago. however, i really can't help but try...

imagine a community of believers, hurting and desperate, long overdue for God's presence and righteous judgement. as they come together hoping to be beaten over the head by some sermon that will force them to reconcile, they are shown Christ's presence and hand in a life fully and dangerously lived. it wasn't what they expected. their hearts yearn for freedom from all the baggage they have been reluctant to deal with. as many secretly cry out in frustration, the leader stands. tonight is God's. he is moving. and the only way to let him move freely is for me to stand back and give up control. music begins, lights are off. fire, fall down. fire, fall down on us we pray, as we seek You, Lord. it is their corporate prayer for literally an hour and a half. one by one the crowd's shape changes, two-thirds of the believers lay prostrate, tears streaming down their face. another much smaller group sits or stands, hands raised, belting out their heart cries to the Lord of hosts: show me Your heart. show me Your way. show me Your glory. as the hours pass, God continues moving - each heart touched, each life shaken. a slow stream of people begin to flow among the body of believers. they mull about passionate and solemn. from one to the next they beg God to do a work in specific peoples' lives, many of whom they have never seen before that night. the hardest hearts, broken. every person communes with their Savior in whatever way touches most their current situation. and at this same time of personal intimacy, a community is forged. a strong city of believers for whom there is no match...because they are God's. four hours later, it is finished.

and what of this city, this community? picture it, if you will, as mount zion.

beautfiul for situation is mount zion, the city of the great King. God is known in her palaces for a refuge. For, lo, the kings saw it, and so they marvelled; they were troubled, and hasted away. fear took hold upon them there, and pain as a woman in travail. as we have heard, so have we seen in the city of the Lord of hosts, in the city of our God: God will establish it forever. selah. we have thought of thy lovingkindness, o God, in the midst of thy temple. let mount zion rejoice, let the daughters of judah be glad, because of thy judgements.
walk about zion, and go round about her: tell the towers thereof. mark ye well her bullwarks, consider her palaces; that ye may tell it to the generation following. for this is God our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death.
- psalm 48 -

Lord, beautiful for situation is this city of believers you have formed! You are known in our "space" as a refuge. those who don't yet know you marvel at the rest who do. they are troubled and run away in fear - fear of You, of Your glory, of Your unmistakable power in this place. they cry out in pain. they cannot bear the sight of Your glorious presence here, because they do not know or understand it. all we have heard of, Lord, all Your promises, Your faithfulness, Your power, the powerful tenacity of the Enemy, have we seen, Lord God, in this place. You will establish this city forever. we have meditated on Your lovingkindness here. we have seen You break down...and restore anew. let us rejoice in Your great judgements.
help us to take in this city of believers, Lord, this "space." let us mark Your workings, the strong towers, warriors, You've formed. let us walk around and soak in the works of Your hand in this place, that we might be a witness to the following generation like jeff adams has witnessed to us. for THIS is God, OUR God, our guide, even unto death.

like i said before, i can't even begin to explain, but i pray that as you read this, your eyes are opened to the power of God and His willingness to visit those who desperately seek Him. as i come into this school year, this is the situation that sticks in my mind. this is the God i call upon daily. this is the God i picture when i call on his presence. this is the God whose will i want fulfilled on our campus.