can i be real with you? today i found myself in the trenches.
i'm a "stay-at-home mom" as it's called. not by choice, but by calling. #heavenhelpme some of you may not be able to relate to or see past this because you long for my calling with every fiber of your being, but... #tbh i have fought (and continue to fight) it tooth. and. nail. y'all.
why am i fighting it so hard? why am i constantly wrestling with discontent? why am i robbing myself (and, let's just get REAL honest...my kids) of the joy and freedom of ME, their tiny hearts' current one-true-love, being present with them 24/7?
WHY AM I SO CUMBERED ABOUT?
ah. and there it is. it just took spewing out a few preliminary thoughts to dig down to root. and strike gold.
spiritual warfare.
CUMBER: to drag all around // to distract (with care)
> to be driven about mentally; distracted
> to be over-occupied, too busy, about a thing
CUMBERETH: to be (render) entirely idle (useless) // fail
> to cause a person or thing to have no further efficiency
> TO DEPRIVE OF FORCE, INFLUENCE, POWER -- virtue anyone?!
this word from the Spirit opened up JUST the right can of worms to deal with this pervasive discontent in the trenches of my suburban stay-at-home mommyhood. #yafeelme well let me take it one further. and don't think accepting this didn't hurt.
social media network marketing.
#staywithme
FIRST: it's so tempting to see present time through the world's eyes, with human reason. modest, *now* one-income household. two kids and counting. capitalist society. without renewing your mind daily: imminent saturation, you guys. #justsaying
i wouldn't have called myself a covetous and ungrateful person but these days, friends, i am that person. how did this happen?!
sneaky, sneaky virtual-world saturation.
SECOND: i feel like in becoming a mom i've lost my identity. my humor, my fashion sense, my zest for life seem pretty evasive these days. instead of finding my identity in Christ, i started longing for the identity i wanted for myself - the identity i was convinced would bring heaps of happiness once again.
i wouldn't have called myself a covetous and ungrateful person but these days, friends, i am that person. how did this happen?!
sneaky, sneaky virtual-world saturation.
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and take heed to yourselves, lest at any time your hearts be overcharged with...cares of this life...
luke 21:34
if you go down this path He whispered I promise, this is inevitably what you'll become...
"yea, [they are] greedy...can never have enough...they all look to their own way, every one for his gain, from his quarter" (isaiah 56:11). can you believe that?! the Bible knew we'd come to a point of sitting "in our own quarter" coveting up a storm thanks to the interwebs. bahaha! ok. back to serious. the temptations of this life "take away their heart" from their calling (hosea 4:11). "the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word" that God is planting (matthew 13:22) causing them to "bring no fruit to perfection" (luke 8:14).
daggers through my heart, y'all...in love, of course. He is a good God, but He doesn't settle for second-best -- for Him or for me. so if you ask, friends, He'll sure let you know how he feels! He wants fruit brought to perfection, nothing less. for me, in my life, to fulfill my calling -- network marketing was not in the cards. i might still produce fruit, but #letsgetreal with my time and energy divided, i would fall short of perfection in fulfilling my calling.
it's a hard line to tow - trust me. callings are very individual and, because God often sees our calling in this life playing out differently than our human minds do, even after you finally understand His plan, others REALLY won't. "they [will] think it strange that ye run not with [them] to the same excess...be ye therefore sober, and watch unto prayer" (i peter 4:7, emphasis added).
#periodendofstory
the Lord doesn't need me, and frankly He doesn't want me to "mind the [financial] gap" or to "find myself" in a hobby or trendy mom-career. my job is to fulfill my calling. and when did my calling that He picked for me become something that's "not enough" for me, anyway?! #smh i'm amazed at my gall sometimes.
i'm not gonna lie. it's hard to live a life so contrary to pop culture. some days i just wish so badly i could color my hair. or have matching outfits for the kids. or eat organic. or be a network marketing instagram sensation. #ohiwentthere
in your patience possess ye your souls.
luke 21:19
"rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him" -- He will provide for me. He will bless my obedience -- "fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way" (psalm 37:7). "behold, we count them happy which endure. ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord" (james 5:11). those who patiently endure "obtain the promise" (hebrews 6:15).
instead of wallowing in self-pity, coveting a life different from the one He's so graciously given me and allowing his word to get choked out by "the cares of this world," in an honest and good heart i need to keep the word He has given me that i may "bring forth fruit with patience" to His glory (luke 8:15). "good" [agathos] in this verse is also translated as useful, beneficial. (wasn't cumbered translated as useless?!) so, with a heart opposite of cumbered, have "patient continuance in well [agathos] doing" (romans 2:7).
let us, who are of the day, be sober; putting on the breastplate of faith and love;
i thessalonians 5:8a
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time to #womanup...and be virtuous already!
