confidence is [not] the issue

over the past few months, a group of young moms at our church chose to dive into the best yes. if you haven't read this book yet, you guys...you NEED to consider it.

i'm not a very emotional person, but the most recent chapter literally sent me to tears after the first paragraph. #neverhappens and i'm not saying it will do the same for you. God was moving. He's been heavily at work in my heart, giving me more and more awesome, clear (and kinda scary!) glimpses of his future plans for me. lots of concern for my abilities (or lack thereof) and fear of disappointment began to well up inside me these last few weeks. and then i read it, an analogy that exposed the lies in my heart for what they were and replaced them with peace.

when it comes to living out God's plan for your life, "you will sometimes feel exposed. fidgety. out of place. insecure. and oh-so-incredibly awkward. and i want you to understand these feelings aren't a sign that it's time to turn back. or to give in to that people-pleasing desire beating against your fragile resolve. it's time to say the most important no you'll ever declare.
"it's time to say no to yourself. say to yourself, i will not let the awkward disappointment of others keep me from my Best Yes appointments with God."

#boom

"it's not a matter of gaining more confidence. it's a matter of being more certain of our convictions. confidence is being more certain of our abilities. conviction is being more certain of God's instructions [a firm, foundational belief]."

#ijustgaveyoutheanswer

only be thou strong and very courageous, that thou mayest observe to do according to all the law, which Moses my servant commanded thee: turn not from it to the right hand or to the left, that thou mayest prosper whithersoever thou goest. this book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success. have not i commanded thee? be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

joshua 1:7-9

and let me just say, this is about the bajillionth time God has prodded me to SERIOUSLY memorize scripture over the past...two months. hah! #frt #honestyhour because He knows "strength and courage come from keeping [His] Word close...we have to be thinking about it, be able to quote it. refuse to let fear and discouragement hold us back" from ministering the way he is CLEARLY leading US to minister (not someone "better" or "more capable"...lies! He has chosen YOU! is His choice not good enough?!).

now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned; and i thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who hath enabled me, for that he counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry; howbeit for this cause i obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might shew forth all longsuffering, for a pattern to them which should hereafter believe on him to life everlasting.

1 timothy 1:5,12,16

so that's it. i put myself aside, i arm myself with the shield of faith, i stand firm, and i claim His vision for me, for us: we are going straight for the thing we know you want us to accomplish, [Lord]. bring glory to yourself by us! and i jump!

then peter said, silver and gold have i none; but such as i have give i thee: in the name of Jesus Christ of nazareth rise up and walk. and he took him by the right hand, and lifted him up: and immediately his feet and ankle bones received strength. and he leaping up stood, and walked, and entered with them into the temple, walking, and leaping, and praising God. and all the people saw him walking and praising God: and they knew that it was he which sat for alms (begging for someone to give!) at the Beautiful [belonging to the right hour or season (timely), i.e. (by implication) flourishing (beauteous (figuratively)): - beautiful] gate of the temple: and they were filled with wonder and amazement at that which had happened unto him. and as the lame man which was healed held peter and john, all the people ran together unto them in the porch that is called solomon's, greatly wondering. and when peter saw it, he answered unto the people, ye men of israel, why marvel ye at this? or why look ye so earnestly on us, as though by our own power or holiness we had made this man to walk? the God of abraham, and of isaac, and of jacob, the God of our fathers, hath glorified his Son Jesus; and his name through faith in his name hath made this man strong, whom ye see and know: yea, the faith which is by him hath given him this perfect soundness in the presence of you all.

excerpts from acts 3:6-16

can you imagine that lame man as one of your students? you have hardly ANYTHING to give; you're in the wrong stage of life, you didn't go to bible college, and you honestly still feel more like a mentor than a leader...but you squelch the lies in your head and heart and make yourself available to the Lord, for their sake. because He told you to. and all of a sudden, God moves! a student is COMPLETELY transformed and can't hide a single ounce of what God's done in them. EVERYONE notices. and initially looks to you. but all you can say to the bystanders is, did you already forget who i am? i'm not the one with power and holiness! that's not why this happened! i'm just a humble and willing servant; God did the work.

"in between where you are now and where you want to be will usually be a pathway of awkwardness. a crowd of potentially disappointed people. it's your choice to shrink back from your Best Yes...or embrace [it]."