life's shifting

ahhh! it's already been a week since i've last posted, and i only have two weeks left before i'm back home hurridly washing all my clothes only to pack them up again for junior high camp. crazy. ministry here has been going very well. we are finally starting to build some deeper friendships with our esl students and not just play those "teacher" and "student" roles. it is so amazing to see all God has been doing. for exampl, like i said, we teach esl at our african friendship center twice a week. however, one of those two times, when we teach the men, we go to the pulaar center (which is a meeting place for those of the fulani tribe - they speak pulaar). the interesting thing about it i guess is that somewhere around a year ago when this esl ministry to the west africans was started, those who ran the pulaar center were very wary of letting us Christians come in a teach things; therefore, we could only teach the men and were limited to one day a week (that's why we do the rest at our center. haha). but, amazingly enough, as God has been working in their hearts and lives through this ministry, the pulaar center's leadership has completely 180-ed their opinion of our work! they have asked for more class days to be added and for us to have things in that location for women and children as well. how amazing God is! in only one year's time to drastically change hearts like that...gosh. we haven't started doing the extra day(s) yet, but it is so exciting to see that despite the enemy's workings, God is reigning in victory over the fight for these people's lives. and if that isn't enough, the bible discussion (old testament of course) that we hold at men's wednesday night esl has become a cherished dialogue for these people, their hearts slowly turning. it is a beautiful thing to see, hear about, and certainly to be a part of. God's beginnings of a crazily fruitful and impacting ministry are certainly in plain view.
oh, and on that note, this ministry will be featured in the city section of the ny times in an article explaining why young people from all over the country are travelling to nyc for ministry purposes. i'm excited that even if it isn't widely received (and even though it'll be in an obscure part of the paper...hah!), God's movement in this area will not go unseen or unheard of. if anything, it will be interesting to see the impact we have made on this reporter's life. haha.
anyways, aside from esl, we're all pretty riled up here for the 6-week childrens camp, Upgrade, that we are beginning on july 5th. we have begun passing out flyers and have seen an extremly positive response. when parents hear about a 6-week educational summer program for only 50 dollars out here, they pretty much hand you the money immediately. haha. summer school is soooo expensive so a chance for their children to learn (and have fun) for that cheap is like...almost a scam. it's very fortunate that God's made a way for us to offer such a program. these kids need His tender and gentle love so much in this rough area of brooklyn. i can't wait to see all He does in their lives. i know God is and will be working because satan has already begun his mess. these kids are living in a neighborhood that, in the past week alone, has had a wave of deadly crime - all on the blocks surrounding the african friendship center (where the camp will be held). tell me that's not "coincidence". God is certainly about to do an amazing work around here. satan wouldn't be creating such distruction in our area if this wasn't the case. so please, be in prayer for these kids that despite all the constant violence and death in their neighborhood enticing them to shut down and have a "no mercy" mentality, God's merciful, gentle, and unconditional love would shine through and pierce their hearts.

deliver the poor and needy: rid them out of the hand of the wicked. they know not, neither will they understand; they walk on in darkness:

many sorrows shall be to the wicked: but he that trusteth in the Lord, mercy shall compass him about.

i guess this is currently where my heart falls. it would be so revolutionary - kids that haven't seen hardly any love at all seeing and understanding God's unconditional love. i am really praying that it would happen in the lives of those attending Upgrade.

as far as what God's doing in me personally as i'm up here...well...it's a lot. i know that i've been placed in this ministry up here for a reason and i'm beginning to seek out why. what does God have for me in the future when i get back? i know without a doubt that i am not called to nyc (at least no time soon), and i know that i have three years of schooling left in warrensburg, missouri. what am i to do with those three years and where am i to do any of it? i have that question answered as far as school ministry is concerned, but what about church-wise? so here we go. i'll give you the jumble of events, and you pray that they are ordered to reveal God's will correctly. haha. i'm serious, though...
first of all, i find myself in a frustrating situation when it comes to ministry back home in the college class and jr. high class at kcbt. that is, it's hard to plug in when you're not around. haha. the youth ministry that jim is the head of is all about relationship building and mentorships - things i am finding to be extremely difficult for me to do at kcbt during the school year. i have my sorority girls and those at the bsu to minister to during the school year. those are the relationships God has pretty much sat directly in my lap to build - the easiest. however, i have a big passion for all God is doing through our church and do not have any desire to leave (nor have a felt any pulling in that direction). but, i can't seem to stop feeling this...friction, i guess. like in my spirit. things just aren't clicking. i know that ministry is work but where's the line between "work" and "just not workin for ya". you know? is God calling me somewhere else? and how far "else" is it? haha. seriously though. so i begin thinking. alright. i'm not suppsed to leave warrensburg for sure. that one's checked out. okay. and i'm not supposed to leave kcbt for sure. that's for certain, as far as i've been able to tell. i have not found any other churches around me that i am completely in to what they're doing. so. here i am. i certainly am excited for all that is going on in the jr. high, high school and college classes, but why does it seem i can't get involved? i'm trying, for sure. but doors are not opening - just this constant friction of trying for something that it almost seems...isn't what God is wanting. you know what i mean? working against the grain. that's how it's beginning to feel at least. so is it? if yes, then comes the possibility of being a part of another ministry. impossible for me to fathom. even though God seems to be leading me away from everything i'm familiar with in all other areas of my life, i just can't see it...or at least don't want to see it. but here comes the news that has kind of thrown my whole logic for a loop.
sam came up with my parents and a guy, chris, from our church, for the brooklyn tabernacle conference this week. as i was sharing with him all we're doing here and was hearing about midtown and all God's got in store there, old passions i had kind of suppressed began surfacing. hah.
i've had a passion for midtown ever since the ministry began. (you can ask derek neufeld. haha) after all, i was in checkpoint for a good number of months before it started, so my fire was kind of fueled for it i guess, thanks to sam. haha. ever since it then i have said, "as soon as i'm out of college, this is what i want to be a part of". and i even was a part of midtown for a couple months of last summer, before the school year began. so recently, through a series of events i have found myself wondering, what are the reasons why i'm not there now, again? well, back last summer as i had to make a decision on what to be a part of ministry-wise, i kind of let midtown go. i'm younger than everyone else there, and only like two people i'm friends with are a part of it. stupid. but you know, that's how you think in "high school mode". haha. then the main reason, of course, is the hour difference between where midtown lies and where warrensburg, missouri was established. haha. but that's basically all. still, i don't know if that's enough to change my heart yet. then, i came upon some crazy news. four girls i have grown up with almost my whole life have gotten saved very recently through that ministry. i dont' know any of them super closely, by any means, because i was very stand-offish all through my schooling before college. however, i know them. and i know they know me. and they're now new christians on fire for what God's doing. how crazy is that?! so...i'm beginning to be swayed now. haha. a college group in the midtown ministry has kind of just popped up over night and now he's getting some studies and the old s.o.t. material out again to start something for them. what? now i would have a place. my being younger than everyone excuse and my only having two friends there excuse have been kind of chucked out the window now. hah. i would have a place in the ministry if i moved there now.
on top of all this, sam's getting ready to start an after-school children's ministry for the kids that live in the city pretty soon. sound familiar? yeah. i'm a part of the same thing here. midtown has come in contact with a lot of internationals considering their location and the fact that umkc is a very nationally diverse school. i certainly have the international people stuff covered up here. haha. (and have my whole live...i grew up around umkc's international ministry, thanks to my dad). but still. i'm in warrensburg. so now i'm back to square one.
is there any way i can get involved in midtown in a more effective and fulfilling way than in the youth ministry at the point? or will i find myself a couple months down the line in this same position again?
i guess my cry to God right now is an answer in terms of ministry involvement back home. what ministry does he want me to be a part of? no cencors or automatic rule-outs are occurring this time. throw age ranges and life stage-specific classes out the window. i just want to be placed in His will. where do You have me, Lord?!
i know i can't convey to anyone the heart i have for a lot of things. the heart i have for kids. the heart i have for people my age. the heart for a ministry that makes an impact in a community. but i do need direction. so even if through all of this reading you can't fully grasp my heart, please if you do anything else for me as i am about to come back to kansas city, pray that i may be placed in the ministry God has created and prepared me for at this time.

for this shall every one that is godly pray unto thee in a time when thou mayest be found:

i will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: i will guide thee with mine eye. be ye not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding:

unto thee will i cry, o Lord my rock; be not slient to me: lest, if thou be silent to me, i become like them that go down into the pit. hear the voice of my supplications, when i cry unto thee, when i lift up my hands toward thy holy oracle.


p.s. you all are seriously heros for reading this stuff. haha. i love that our hearts are knit together with a passion for what God is doing in others' lives and in the kcbt community. like i said before, if anything is going on with you that you want to share with someone who will be full of as much excitement for your experiences as you will, talk to me. i'm serious. i specialize in being excited about things. haha. for serious.

here are some pictures from the trip. i know i have like...none, but trust me, i'm taking a lot these last two weeks to show you everything. haha. so yeah.

-alison